Retreat! Retreat!

Songs listened to -
Elements - Lindsey Stirling + thinkers list
Beautiful Reader!!

It's me again, your Breathing Stone. It's been a while since I let myself out of myself. Last time, I think I went too deep and scared myself.

Still, no one can stay alone for too long....it does things to your head. I found myself spilling over, cracking myself through my own little fissures. I felt like i was bursting, light etching in intricate designs against my grey, cold skin...eventually I let just a peep of myself out, just a little bit. Bad idea! A thousand times a bad idea.

I don't need this often, but I have come to realize that I do need it...So here we go again, beautiful reader, here we delve again into my soul.

I shut my eyes. It's a good thing I don't have to stare at the keyboard as I type...

The violin cascades. The sounds in the background swell and flow in pulses. I feel it enter my mind, and again, I let it in. There I am! I'm on top of a mountain. I'm wearing white again, but this dress is so long that the only reason it doesn't drag on the floor is because of the wind. I feel like i'm flying, but I can feel my bare feet on the precipice of the rock. How did I get here? Did I climb? Did I fly?

Who cares...I'm here now... I look at the light in the sky, masses of purple and green. Is this the aurora? The sky is darkening, and the colours get brighter. They're getting closer, and the stars fade to make way for this light. It's like it's alive, reaching for me, but then it calms for a moment, and i look out on the clouds around as they dissipate. The ground around is fresh and green, far below me in its lively pulsing. Long grass, i believe....but no, the clouds begin to flow around me, curling around my legs and gently carressing me as it surrounds me....

The clouds burst. They spread across the sky as if by an explosion, and the lights are back, violent as they are beautiful, surrounding my like mist lightning, bright, attacking my vision and setting my skin on a whole other level of awareness. It's like it's angry at me, but it loves me as well. What an interesting concept.

The song changed, and as it flows into its beat, I feel more than i see the lights retracting, and the sky begins to light up with a sunrise. The mountain crumbles a little, and i watch the stones fall to the world below. All of a sudden, i'm small... tiny... i'm on one of the rocks as it plummets to the river. So, I can go wherever I look if I want to?  I look to the shore of the lake to which i am headed, and i'm standing there, my feet in the pale gravelly sand as the stones splash into the water. Now i'm in the water...or on it... I look down, and i see my reflection. All of a sudden, I AM my reflection. I take a step, and i'm upside down on the surface of the water, looking up at my real self. Is this what it feels like to be a spirit? I like it here. I can feel the water as i move, stepping on the underside of the surface of the water. Can I just stay here? No, of course not. I look down, and the world shifts. I'm on the floor of the lake now, and the world around me is a dark green plant colour. I see no animals, no fish..just these plants. It's boring here...and that bothers me. I look up again, and i'm on the shore. Something is wrong here. This is too easy....too simple. This isn't deep enough.

This bothers me more. Am I that afraid of myself that even now, with my doors opened, I feel unsatisfied by where i was? Do I need to go deep again? It was like a drug, but no, I can't risk that, NO WAY.

I can't do this... I have to get out of here. Maybe I'll come back again, Beautiful Reader. Maybe not. There's so much going on in my heart and my head that my soul is confused and torn. I need to think. . .

Maybe next time...